Marlon Barkley 
marlon@thedeathofanation.com

In our ongoing "Republican Hero" series, we take a look at one of the most well known "heroes" aligned with the Republican party, Ted "Shitpants" Nugent (R).

When we talk about Republican heroes, we should all keep in the back of our heads the mantra of the party; family values, personal responsibility, privacy, liberty and fiscal responsibility. 

When you look for the perfect "hero" of your party, then the at the top of the list must be Ted "Shitpants" Nugent. As the kids say these days, "Wait...what???" 


Come on, he is perfect, he loves guns, he threatened a sitting presidents life, he's all about personal responsibility and owning as many guns as you can, so that must mean he's a patriot and served honorably...Wait for it...

In an interview with High Times in 1977, Ted Nugent said, "Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break!"  The honorable patriot continues, "I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build...Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up." These are the his own words and it's an astonishing look inside the mind of a Republican Hero.

Remember the family values party? In 1978, 'Merican Hero Nugent fell in love with a minor Pele Massa. She was 17. Since she couldn't get married because of age, then the next step is naturally getting her parents to sign documents to make Ted "Shitpants" Nugent her legal guardian. You read that right. Legal guardian so he can fuck a minor. Then, our Hero continues to have 8 children with two different women, is married twice and then we find out he had a love child. Wang dang sweet poon tang, that's what I call "family values".
  
There you have it. Republican Hero Ted "Shitpants" Nugent.  Deterioration. 

Marlon Barkley 
marlon@thedeathofanation.com

One fact we can all agree on, except for Fox News watchers, is that the media has one goal, which is to make money.

The past few weeks Republicans have had several unexpected turns in the parties "American Hero" strategy. So far, they've had some issues. Michael Grimm (R), Clive Bundy (R), and now Donald Sterling (R), shit!

Here comes a fun and real-time test. When a major Republican figure, Donald Sterling owner of the Clippers, is caught with a racist rant,  what do you do?...What do you do? Here is what happens at the Republican emergency media strategy room: 

Dude A says, "You can't rely on Hannity, he screwed that up with Clive Bundy. Beck is completely out of control and Limbaugh is back on OxyContin, can't rely on them."

Dude B says, "How about we just say that wasn't his voice on the tape?"

Intern A says, "Can't NBA lawyers authenticated the audio."

Hannity says, "How about I talk about Saddam's rape rooms?"

Back to Dude A, "Shut the fuck up Hannity. I think we have to bite the bullet and say he has a long history of racism and he should be forced to sell the team."

Fox News ends up using the strategy to blame every one else for not exposing the "long history"of racist behavior of Donald Sterling. That is perfect! We should all note that in memory. Let's repeat that, "blame others for not exposing something your exposing, even if you don't believe it". Compliments of the mental giant Howard Kurtz.

Lastly, how can you end any story without examining what the Betty Boop of the financial world, the moron's moron, the hair club for men poster child and the Buffoon of Bankruptcy himself has to say...

Marlon Barkley 
marlon@thedeathofanation.com

Wha' Happen? Well, Michael Grimm apparently decided to use government to benefit himself, his business relationships and had some mysterious campaign finance practices. 

Even though several of his Republican buddies were arrested, including his ex-girlfriend, Grimm's attorney says beautifully, "We are disappointed by the government’s decision, but hardly surprised," he said. "From the beginning, the government has pursued a politically driven vendetta against Congressman Grimm and not an independent search for the truth." 

Marlon Barkley
marlon@thedeathofanation.com

In our ongoing "Republican Hero" series, we take a look at the latest "Hero", Cliven Bundy.

Cliven is a guy who illegally grazes animals on public land and puts together a group of armed men to threaten government employees to prevent paying what he owes taxpayers.

He quickly replaces Ted Nugent and Joe the Douche Bag Plumber* as the latest Republican Hero. As if it was scripted, at his first opportunity he starts to enlighten America on his thoughts about African Americans being better off as slaves. 

When we talk about the deterioration of society, not only is this guy the poster child of this death of morality, but Hannity and Limbaugh make him a hero. I try to rationalize this, but all I can think about it what the fuck are Republicans thinking? Hannity did later apologize and make a statement against Cliven's comments, but anyone with a brain knows he was forced. 

*Note: For those of you who forgot, here is Joe the Plumber in his racial slur glory.